dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
