Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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