I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
