oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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