It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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