He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
the raccoons are back...
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