Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
