Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
