I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
