I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
