I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Two words: nipple clamps
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