Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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