You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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