Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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