I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
