That's when you crack a 10am beer
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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