tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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