i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
