Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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