I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
