how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
