I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
