did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize