Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just threw up on my dentist
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
