lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
