Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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