3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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