They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
