I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
