tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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