Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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