Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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