He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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