he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My vagina is very pro this idea
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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