The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
