8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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