I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize