you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
