direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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