OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
