wakey wakey hands off snakey
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Everything about him screamed your future.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize