I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
