i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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