So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i dont even know how to be here
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
