Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
