So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
