Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
