just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
