I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
