Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
