distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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