I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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