Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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