She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
