I am puke
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think my moral compass just broke
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
