C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize