Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
