finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
