wat bout pragnant strippers??
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
