Moan for me like Helen Keller
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
