nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
