Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
