Christians are straight up FREAKS
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
