1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
