I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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