if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
