Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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