Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
