it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
