did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
