I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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