woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
