i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize