She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
