I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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