Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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