I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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