just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
