Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
