i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We are two peas in an std pod
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
