My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
