I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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