Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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