I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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