I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize