whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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