the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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