My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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