MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize
