Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
